In the aftermath of a breakup, it's common to be inundated with conflicting advice from all sides: Have a rebound fling! Hibernate for a week, while wearing sweatpants, eating ice cream and crying over bad romance movies! Go shopping and spend money you don't have! You deserve it! Considering the whirlwind of emotions you feel when a relationship ends, any of these behaviors are OK. But what comes after that? And are you even ready for it?
It can be difficult to tell if you're over an ex. After sharing a significant chunk of your life with someone, it makes sense that they'd remain perpetually in your thoughts, at least in some capacity. So how do you know if you've really put your past to rest, or if you're still mired in your last relationship? Here, 10 signs that you're not over him.
1. Everything reminds you of him. You break into sobs every time you hear "your song." Your weekly date with Dr. House is just not the same without him. Not only that, but you have a running list of things you need to tell him when you see him, based upon everything exciting, hilarious and/or tragic that has occurred since you split. Because who else would you share these things with? Well, your best friend, for starters. Your mom. Your shrink. Or, gasp... a new man. Try to forget the lists, stop putting energy in the past and instead bond with the people who are actually in your life.
2. You're lashing out in public forums. You trash talk him on Twitter and Facebook. At last night's open mic night he appeared in your confessional poetry. And, honey, it would be better for all involved if you kept that song you wrote earlier today a secret. Because, while it's healthy to let out your feelings, if it's been several months and he's still inspiring your inner artiste, you're letting history take precedence over the right now.
3. You're overcompensating. You dress up in the hopes you'll run into him and, when you do see him, you make your life seem really, really awesome. Because, obviously, you're better off without him and—dude!—he's gotta see what he's missing! And you've got to realize what you're missing in making him the center of your life.
4. You have no interest in that hot dude giving you the eye. You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. But all those guys hitting on you at parties and bars? They seem pretty repulsive right now. When your ex calls, however, you pick up right away. (What? It could be important!) Try chatting up a new guy. You never know what could happen...
5. You compare everyone to him. Even if you think you're ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn't measure up to your ex. Once you're really over him, you'll measure men on their own merits.
6. Your still cyberstalk him... in addition to all of his friends and relatives. The other day, while innocentlywandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex's wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account, and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex's mom, sister and grandmother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance. We want you to know: This is unhealthy. And possibly illegal.
7. You are unable to let go of your relationship mementos. And by mementos, we don't just mean the gifts he gave you during the course of your relationship, like that Swarovski necklace or that cute winter hat. Because we wouldn't get rid of those, either. Rather, we're referring to the more random stuff, such as those matches from the restaurant where you had your first date, or the movie tickets from every single film you've ever been to together. Trashing them will be freeing—try it!
8. Seeing him still makes you go weak in the knees. Literally. You get the shakes. And you're sort of afraid you might projectile vomit. Which would be embarrassing. Sound familiar? If your reaction is this visceral, we're going to hazard a guess and say you're still not over him.
9. You harbor the (not-so-)secret fantasy that the two of you still have a future together. And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life, or at least giving anyone new a chance. While no one can really know what the future holds, it's best to remember that breakups happen for a reason. And often, that reason was a darn good one. If you're holding back on your future, it's likely that you're still stuck in the past.
10. You're still having ex sex. Ex sex isn't always a terrible idea... but it usually is. If you've recently broken up, you can't have sex and expect that you won't remain emotionally involved. We know, we know. No one else has ever been able to do... that... to you. But still.
Ron Svenden figured he was had lung cancer after months of chest pains. He was surprised to find that he had a pea plant growing in his chest.
Ellen's Dance
College Fashion
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Love Lessons From Julia Roberts Movies
Steel Magnolias
Sorry to start with a tear-jerker, but we're going chronologically here, folks. Julia's character, Shelby, in this film shows us to live life to the fullest, no matter the risks. We love when she says, "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Same here, Shelbs.
Pretty Woman
Man, we love this movie. The message here is not so much that a man will come save you no matter who you are (or what your profession is) — it's more that self-respect is key to a healthy relationship. We covet Vivian's this-is-me demeanor in this most-ultimate of chick flicks.
My Best Friend's Wedding
If you're in love with your best friend, don't wait until right before his wedding to tell him so, this movie advocates. Also not a good idea to enlist your gay best friend to pretend to be your new boyfriend in an attempt to make another man jealous. But starting an impromptu rendition of "I Say A Little Prayer" in the middle of a restaurant? A very good idea indeed.
Stepmom
If this movie doesn't make you cry, you have a heart of stone. No, seriously. At one point Julia's character, stepmom Isabel, says to real-mom Jackie, who is dying of cancer, "I'm in a room alone with [your daughter], fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll think, 'I wish my mom were here.'" The message? Life can change in an instant — and we have to just trust that we can handle it.
Notting Hill
When movie star Anna falls for a regular Joe in this film she says that she's no longer a world-famous actress, but instead she's "just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." (Best. Line. Ever.) Even if you have everything (fame! fortune! screaming fans!) as Julia's character did in this movie, love takes precedence over all.
Runaway Bride
This role took Julia down the aisle ... and notoriously sprinting away from it. Here, we learn not to settle for a man you just don't feel right about, and that it's okay to be scared of marriage, specifically of losing your independence. As she famously says in the film, "When I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse." In the end, her character learns that marriage doesn't have to mean dependence.
Erin Brockovich
This unemployed single mom deploys her take-no-prisoners attitude to bring down a corrupt corporation. In the love story part of the film, we see Julia's character struggle with trusting George, a man who genuinely wants to help her. She learns to let him through her tough exterior and we learn that while you do have to kiss a lot of frogs, you can't assume every man is one.
America's Sweethearts
Julia's portrayal of Kiki, the sister of a super-diva Hollywood actress, sends the message that good things come to those who wait ... very, very patiently. While we wouldn't want to put up with her sis (or partake in a love triangle with her and another actor), we have to hand it to Kiki for standing up for herself — and getting the guy — in the end.
Closer
If you've seen this movie, you know its message about love and relationships is anything but warm and fuzzy. In fact, the film is a pretty good case study of how to ruin your marriage, hurt your partner and end up miserable. (Fun times!) The love lesson here: Watch the movie, and then do the opposite!
Charlie Wilson's War
In another real-life portrayal, Julia played Houston socialite and political activist Joanne Herring, who was known for throwing lavish parties and convincing Mr. Wilson to follow her military advice. The moral here: A smart, savvy and gorgeous woman can get just about anything she wants. And, boy does she have style.
Eat Pray Love
While we don't know what parts of the book will specifically make it into the movie, we know that Julia's character, Elizabeth, learns a great deal about love over the course of her journey. We're looking forward to seeing the film ... and crossing our fingers for many moments in which Javier Bardem forgets to wear a shirt.
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Hottest Celebrity Moms
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20 Things That Make A Man
He’s always polite to your parents to their faces, but just with you he agrees they’re bonkers.
He kills the spider ... or at least catches it and puts it outside.
He’s not afraid for you to see him cry.
He knows women love Don Draper because Don Draper is smoking hot, not because we actually want to date an adulterous alcoholic leading a double life.
He never calls anyone a “fag.”
He does the premenstrual tampons-and-Ben-&-Jerry’s run.
He lets you have the last bite of a shared dessert.
He runs (literally) to the pharmacy 10 minutes before closing to get you meds for the UTI that has suddenly come on.
He can lift you up with one hand.
He has a trashcan in his bathroom.
He has a healthy attitude towards money; even if he doesn’t have a lot of it, he recognizes that sometimes it’s OK to use it for happiness (i.e., taking the time to travel, not eating hummus and wheat thins every night).
He knows his way around the kitchen and doesn’t mind cooking 90 percent of the meals.
He has the ability to spot a cool car when all you can see is the city bus and a minivan.
He lets you talk trash about people when you need to, but doesn’t think you’re a hypocrite because you still hang with them.
He doesn’t have more than four pairs of shoes.
He doesn’t ever order a drink with fruit juice in it.
His drink of choice is bourbon. Always bourbon.
He can fix stuff around the house.
He ends a relationship that’s no longer working instead of cheating.
When the going gets tough—like, really tough—he remains cool, calm, and collected, but not devoid of genuine emotion.
Styles You Gotta Wear Before Labor Day
Here's the LIST of A to Z styles you have to wear this summer!
This style signifies alpha-male-status, and George Clooney sure wears it nicely. "With his mane, the lion presides over the jungle as king. So does [the fully-bearded] man," says Jack Passion, author of The Facial Hair Handbook. "If the beard is solid, subtle and sharp you're looking at self-actualized enlightenment, the pinnacle of manhood."
The full beard can vary, however, even ebb into mountain-man territory, as seen with Zach Galifianakis's lusher look. "Maybe he's a little granola, but in a good way: Your kids will eat organic," says Passion. "[In fact], the beard is the male equivalent of child bearing hips."
But, it needs to be groomed to be effective. "A full, natural beard "can signify virility, shyness, mania or laziness," depending on how its worn, according to Michael Ames, author of The World Beard and Moustache Championships. In Joaquin Phoenix's case, this untamed beard is the first sign of his turn to the weird side.
Goatee
Like the full beard, this style "can range from the generic to the world class. It all depends on a man's devotion to his face," says Ames. Don't tell Blair Underwood, but this look is better reserved for older men. "The goatee is a mature style ... so on a younger man, maybe he's saying he's got something to prove?" says Passion. "On an older guy, he's saying, 'I've earned the right to wear this,' and simply by wearing it, he has."
Overall Scruff
All we can say about Zachary Levi's look is ... yum. Luckily, Passion can give us further analysis. "Assuming this isn't the beginning of a beard, overall scruff could say a few different things, so look at the jeans," he advises. "Designer? He's in it to get laid, plain and simple. Covered in oil paint? Artist, probably living off parents' vast old wealth ... a gold digger's jackpot."
Since Glo's fabulous Facebook friends told us they are partial to this style, as well, here's another gratuitous picture. So, what does this facial hair look say about the man sporting it? That he's hot. (Jon Hamm, thank you for confirming this highly scientific theory.)
Sideburns
As rather a non-committal style of facial hair, sideburns could signal “a man finding himself,” says Passion. “Not yet willing to grow out a beard, [this guy has] begun to let his sideburns grow in to test the waters." His advice: "Jump in, buddy!” John Corbett certainly has.
This style also works well as an accent to that all-over scruff we like so much. "Once the purview of rebels and bikers, sideburns are the new goatee," says Ames. "Every guy's got them." Even Edward Cullen!
Chinstrap
This could be one of the silliest, pointless forms of facial hair, and, we hate to say it, borderlines on icky. A man with a strap “probably spends an inordinate amount of time making other things that are fine to begin with look perverse, too. For instance, import cars,” says Passion. (Sorry, Chris Daughtry.)
Mustache
If your guy is a mustache-man, like Jason Schwartzman sometimes is, he deserves major props. The 'stache is "the only difficult part of a beard, making it hard to eat, kiss, etc.," Passion notes. "For a man to voluntarily take on the hardest part of the game ... it's a sign [that he] bows to no challenge, least of which being the number of negative stereotypes that so unfairly haunt the mustache."
I mean, just look at Tom Selleck — that mustache is so fitting, so cool, so, well, sexy. Well-groomed and perfectly sized, he makes this facial hair style one to envy.
As great as Tom's mustache is, his look clearly isn't one for every man. Sometimes, the 'stache can go awry — and enter bonafide creepster territory. Exhibit A: the normally handsome Billy Zane. What were you thinking?
Handlebar 'Stache
Upping the ante on the mustache is this style, for which a man embarks on a rigorous upkeep regimen. "The handlebar says that this man is willing to groom [his facial hair] to perfection. A great compromise in which case everyone wins," says Passion. Though, "sometimes [this style is] the mark of a hipster in denial." And in that case, we say beware of men using their 'stache merely for ironic purposes. Geraldo's, however, totally works.
Guys, if you want to try this look for yourself (though we doubt anyone can rock it as well as Hulk Hogan), Ames advices: "Think styling products: beeswax, carpenter's glue or even parafin." And, he warns, "Stay away from open flames."
Flavor-Savor
Also known as a soul patch, this form of facial hair is not for every man. "If worn alone, this guy is surely fond of the '90s," says Passion. "With another style, like a mustache for instance, the flavor-saver is an easy way to get bonus points." While we're not sure we're into the "soul" man, we appreciate the dedication it must take to trim and maintain that tiny patch of hair. The Boss is working it.
The Combo
Nothing hides a babyface like some strategically placed facial hair. Here, Joe Jonas combines all-over scruff, with the 'stache, the goatee and the flavor-saver. That, or he just can't grow a full beard yet. (You'll get there, buddy!)
Don't feel too bad, though, Joe. Leonardo DiCaprio still uses a similar technique to mask his youthfulness. And, as with pretty much all things Leo does, we like it.
Mutton Chops
“When done right, massive chops can be regal. When done wrong, few things look as much like a dead animal on your face,” says Ames. In terms of the man spotting the chops, as Lemmy Kilmister does: “Assume he's detail oriented, because to keep any style like this groomed, it takes work. This man is also not afraid to let it grow and express his wild side,” Passion says.
Weird Beard
Even for beard enthusiasts like Passion, putting patterns and swirls in one’s facial hair, like Ludacris did, is going too far. “Unless seen in competition or exhibition, weird designs are a desperate cry for attention. Facial hair is marginalized and (unfortunately) exotic enough as it is, we don't need this kind of stuff hurting the cause,” he says.
Embellished
Thanks to Johnny Depp, the notion of braiding, dreading or even beading one's facial hair could be considered kinda sexy — if only on him. “Unless you're at a pirate party or a Renaissance faire, each bead represents another foot of distance you should keep [away from this guy]," says Passion. However, if you are at such a gathering, “this is the guy you want to be partying with.”
Clean-Shaven
But, we must ask, what about the men who choose to forgo the facial hair entirely? As much as we love kissing a scruffy man, we don't particularly enjoy the skin irritation that often goes with it. So, yeah, I guess we'd have no problem smooching Tyson Beckford. If he, you know, happened to call us or something.
As a facial hair aficionado, Passion does not approve of this look. "Call mall security and let's find this little boy's mommy ... Oh, what's that, young man? You're 31?" he asks, mocking the clean-shaven man. While we do like the smooth look, we have to admit that facial hair is sexier. Even when the bare cheeks belong to Tom Cruise.
Passion advises men who shy away from a little stubble to "get with the program — beards are back." Maybe President Obama can look to famed beard-sporter Abraham Lincoln for ideas?
Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne have basically been inseperable since they started dating in April. Jenner recently had Lavigne's name tattooed to his arm and even went as far as to shave an "A" in his hair for his new love.
Make Up Tips
CLICK HERE to see fast, easy hints from the professionals.
1. Have a quickie in the morning, even if it’s solo, so you get that feel-good
cocktail of oxytocin and dopamine into your system. After all, they do call it, uh, hump day.
2. Sprinkle some cinnamon in your morning coffee. Not only will it dress up your java,
but a study found that the scent also can decrease anxiety and stimulate the part of
your brain tasked with keeping you alert.
3. Nix the brown bag and make this your lunching-out day. It’s a small change, but
trying new things — even simply a different deli — will spark an adrenaline rush that
helps to fuel a good mood.
4. Create a Wednesday a.m. playlist for your commute. Bumper-to-bumper traffic isn’t
so bad when you’re blasting your fave songs.
5. Sign up for ShopItToMe.com, a site that alerts you when your favorite brands go
on sale. Choose to have the info sent to you on Wednesdays. You’ll score cute stuff
for cheap, and online window-shopping taps in to your brain’s reward center, triggering
a shopper’s high.
6. Schedule your Saturday plans now, and the weekend won’t feel so far off. Or plan
the details of another event — an upcoming concert or vacation. Just imagining yourself
lounging on a beach is an instant mental holiday.
7. Make Wednesday Would You Rather Day with your guy. Exchange texts like “Would you
rather I kiss your thigh or your neck?” Anticipating each other’s texts will make the day speed
by and give you great ammo for a hot hookup later.
8. Buy an inexpensive flower to put on your desk, like a daisy or a rose. Certain colors can
improve your mood — including yellow, which boosts happiness, and red, which amps excitement.
9. Change your desktop background to a fun pic from a recent day off (just right-click a
cute photo from one of your friends’ Facebook albums to save it to your computer).
It’ll be a visual reminder of the good times you have coming your way in less than 72 hours.
10. Give yourself some chocolate Rx. Eating an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day
for two weeks will reduce your level of stress hormones.
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Healthiest Summer Cocktails
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-21% of women age 18-34 check Facebook in the middle of the night
-63% use Facebook as a networking tool
-42% think it’s okay to post photos of themselves intoxicated
-79% are fine with kissing in photos
-58% use Facebook to keep tabs on “frenemies”
-50% are fine with being Facebook friends with complete strangers
Ways You Bug Your Boss
CLICK HERE to see what things your boss hates and how to avoid them.
What Guys Really Think About Summer Trends
CLICK HERE to see what guys think about the season's latest styles.
Signs She's About To Dump You
CLICK HERE to see the complete list of things to look out for.
Strange Ways to Cool Down
CLICK HERE to see tips to stay cool in the heat wave
Workplace Fashion Crimes
By Laura Morsch
1. The crime: Poor-fitting clothing
Too-tight clothing is never flattering and usually too revealing, but too-baggy clothes make you look sloppy and unprofessional. Pant length also matters -- if you're showing too much sock or leg, expect to be teased all day about an upcoming flood.
Redemption: Find a good tailor. It's a rare person who actually looks good in clothes directly off the rack. Buy an item to fit the fullest parts of your body, and the tailor can nip in the rest.
2. The crime: Too much perfume or cologne
You never want your co-workers or clients to smell you before they see you, and a colleague could be severely allergic to your favorite scent.
Redemption: Apply perfume or cologne with an extremely light hand. If you spritz too much, put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and dab off the excess.
3. The crime: Shorts or too-short skirts
Showing too much leg is never a good professional move -- for women or men. Revealing a little leg makes men appear overly casual or sloppy, and makes women look more sexy than serious.
Redemption: Men should stick with long pants, and women should wear shorts or skirts that hit within an inch-and-a-half of the knee.
4. The crime: Out-of-control hair
Whether it's frizzy coifs or bushy beards, wild hair just doesn't look professional.
Redemption: Women should invest in a good haircut and some styling products that can reduce poufiness and make hair easier to manage. Men should keep their facial hair well-trimmed, or better yet, go clean-shaven.
5. The crime: Dirty, ripped or torn jeans
Even on casual Fridays, ripped jeans look too dirty and messy for the workplace.
Redemption: When you do choose to wear jeans to work, make sure they are well-fitting and in extremely good condition.
6. The crime: Cleavage
There are very few legitimate jobs where showing off your chest is a good career move.
Redemption: Cover up. Whenever possible, avoid wearing anything low-cut to the office. If you can't part with your V-neck shirts, simply buy a few camisole shirts to wear underneath them.
7. The crime: Tank tops
Showing too much skin in the office is never a good idea, and tank tops are especially inappropriate for men.
Redemption: If it's hot outside and you're going out with friends after work, simply keep a cardigan at your desk to cover up. That way, you'll stay comfortable in frigid air conditioning and look professional when your boss stops by.
8. The crime: Noisy jewelry
An armload of bangles or long, dangling earrings are perfect choices for a bar, but downright distracting in the office.
Redemption: Keep your office jewelry simple. A small pendant, stud earrings and a delicate bracelet look much more professional than trendy pieces. Save your flashier jewelry for happy hour.
9. The crime: Gym attire
Even in the most casual workplaces, yoga pants, shorts, T-shirts and running shoes make you look sloppy and apathetic.
Redemption: At the very least, wear nice jeans and professional-looking shoes. If you're going to the gym or catching a flight after work, change into your comfortable clothes in the bathroom on the way out.
10. The crime: Extremely high heels
Extremely high heels are too sexy for the workplace -- not to mention impractical. Few things would be more embarrassing than wobbling or tripping over your extreme footwear in front of the boss.
Redemption: The highest heels you should wear to the office are 2 to 3 inches. That way, you'll actually be able to walk in them, and they'll be comfortable enough to wear all day. You might feel shorter, but you'll no longer fear grates or sidewalk cracks.
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