Here’s why idiotic NJ ‘shoulder zoomers’ no longer upset me

Like many New Jerseyans, I spend a lot of time in the car.

And as I'm sure you know, driving in the Garden State can be a frustrating and nail-biting experience.

Not only do you have to keep up with the normal flow of traffic, changing weather conditions, and hazards like pedestrians and construction. But also watch out for the countless inconsiderate jerks out there.

I'm talking about the vicious tailgaters. The reckless lane-splitters and lake-weavers. The aggressive slam-mergers. The oblivious slow-pokes and speed-demons. And of course, the infamous left-lane blockers.

For this rant, I want to focus on the reprehensible "line cutters" of the roads. Those incorrigible drivers who — instead of sitting in heavy traffic like the rest of us — feel the need for speed, zipping up the shoulder of the road past hundreds of vehicles. Just to shave seconds or minutes off their commute.

I experience it on the Garden State Parkway every single weekend, heading to and from the Jersey Shore. What an absurd disregard for safety and the rules of the road. Plus, it is aggravating simply as a matter of fairness — "if I have to sit in traffic, so do you." There is also the logical probability that a vehicle cutting into traffic from the shoulder can contribute to even more of a slowdown.

As a recovering road rager, I have to remind myself of a few important facts and possibilities to calm me down. Hopefully this perspective will help you better cope with shoulder-zippers.

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Maybe they have a real emergency.

Stuck in heavy traffic, have a real emergency? Maybe an urgent medical or family issue. There are few good options at that moment, and driving on the shoulder is one of them.

In fact, such use is allowed by law. In New Jersey Title 39, governing motor vehicles and traffic regulation, section 39:1-1 defines the shoulder as "that portion of the highway, exclusive of and bordering the roadway, designed for emergency use but not ordinarily to be used for vehicular travel."

They are exponentially more likely to get in an accident.

Passing vehicles on the right. On a narrow stripe of pavement between traffic and dirt/grass/trees. What could possibly go wrong?

There is little margin of error, especially at the speed some of these illegal drivers go. They can run out of shoulder room very quickly approaching a bridge, blind corner, disabled vehicle, or emergency vehicle.

They are exponentially more likely to pop a tire.

Have you seen the junk that accumulates on the sides of the road? It is literally where crews push snow, dirt, and debris from the main roadway.

Drivers and passengers notice that roughness the instant you drive on the shoulder. And at full speed, it becomes even more hazardous. Lots of sharp objects to rub against your tire, causing a slow leak or blowout. Dangerous and costly.

They are exponentially more likely to get pulled over by a cop.

Nothing makes me happier than to see a shoulder-zipper get nailed by a vigilant police officer.

Sometimes, during regular periods of constant heavy traffic, they even set up shoulder traps. Schadenfreude for the win! (Shout-out to Stafford Township police who occasionally do this on Route 72!)

Maybe they are just a soulless jerk.

Sometimes, people just can't be taught, and can't be rehabilitated.

We all just have to accept the fact that jackass drivers exist. Staying alert and driving defensively are the only ways to really combat this plague.

Dan Zarrow is Chief Meteorologist for Townsquare Media New Jersey. Check out Dan's weather blog or follow him on Facebook for your latest weather forecast updates.