I just experienced my first severe Lupus flare up, so I thought I should document my experience. Maybe it can help someone else dealing with the same symptoms somewhere down the line.

I had considered blogging my entire Lupus journey from start to finish. I considered updating my listeners on doctors appointment, lab results, flare ups, the good the bad and all the ugly. But I got embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I was scared of being labeled as the sick girl and people looking at me differently because I have a chronic illness. For some reason I've been obssessed with people looking at me like I am a strong woman that is unshakeable. And even in times where I'm weak, I still want people to think I'm okay. I don't like asking for help, and I'm ashamed to ask for days off of work because of pain that no one can tell I'm in.

Lupus has been described to me as the silent killer. People with Lupus look fine on the outside. You would never be able to tell something is wrong just by looking at them. But inside they could be dealing with the worst pain of their life and others would never know.

I look fine. I look happy on social media. I still post my bikini pics and my thirst traps every once and a while. And I am fine. I am happy. Just sometimes I'm not.

This past week I had my first Lupus flare up. I thought I was going to die. I have been vomiting, having diaharrea, nausea, migraines, joint and muscle pain, acid in my stomach, and extreme fatigue. Do you know how it feels to walk just a few steps and feel like you are going to die from exhaustion? At 27 years old I never thought this would be my life.

I shared what I am going through on social media for the first time the other day and have been overwhelmed by the amount of people who have reached out sharing similar stories. There are so many people I went to college with who are also living with a chronic illness and I had no idea.

I feel better today. I have been talking to a lot of fellow lupus warriors, researching on my condition, and mentally preparing myself for the road ahead.

There has to be a reason for all this right? This can't be the end of my story....

I'll keep you updated.